[Somewhere in the midst of the soiree, after watching the weight of their actions begin to weigh down on Elder Faerie's shoulders, Silent Salt makes a decision. He is lucky that it doesn't weigh on his face, that his grief does not show, at least not until the festivities die down and he finds himself alone.
He can only hope that Pavlova is in a good mood after all that he has witnessed. If his boon is knowledge of happiness, then surely this evening was a veritable feast for him. It would bode well for Silent Salt if it were the case — he gets the feeling that he will need Pavlova Cookie to be in a good mood for his plan to work.
It doesn't take terribly long to find the boy, even if it means knocking on his door so late. He'll feel guilty about that later. Maybe.]
[ He is, and he isn't. The dance was wonderful, and Salt may have seen him on the dance floor with a few different people if he'd been looking for him. It was a wonderful distraction from the dread weighing on his consciousness. He's already started to read, after all. He's read about them planting the tree together which was... damning in itself, but he hadn't gotten to any talk of the seal yet.
It's enough to make him uncomfortable when he answers the door to find Silent Salt there. He rubs sleepily at his eyes. ]
Un-- mm. Lord Silent Salt Cookie?
[ He... hesitates, but waves him inside. The temporary room is. Cute. Soft pinks and whites and yellows. A writing desk with a very large book on it, plants hanging near the window, pillows piled in the window nook, bookshelves, art supplies. A normal kid's room save for his bow, perched next to the bed to be easily grabbed. ]
[Indeed, Silent Salt had allowed himself to track Pavlova Cookie throughout the evening. It was largely for his own sake, making sure that the young boy hadn't gone to whisper in the ears of those who would damn them. It became especially pertinent after Silent Salt found his resolve.
The last thing he wanted was for the boy to act before he was ready.]
I apologize for the late hour. But... there is an urgent matter I must attend to with you.
[He's almost certain that he does not need to clarify what this matter is, either. Regardless, he does not jump right into it. Rather, he finds his way into the room. It is odd to look at, considering. The childlike whimsy seems oddly juxtaposed to the matter at hand.
Nevertheless, he allows himself to settle, leaning against a wall far from the door. If the boy ever felt at risk, he could easily flee.]
Given your latent abilities thanks to your progenitors, I suspect you know what I came here for.
[ He notes the unwillingness to use the more humanizing term. He doesn't comment on it. ]
... This is about what you and Elder Faerie did. The tree.
[ And the implications therein. He's not sure how to process that. ]
What about it?
[ Part of him thinks he's come to finish the job- but he wouldn't do that to White Lily. For better or worse her good grace is probably the only reason Silent Salt's put up with him for this long.
Which means he has a point for being here that doesn't involve making him a jamstain on the carpet. ]
[It is worth noting that Silent Salt has come dressed in his same attire from the ball. His blade is nowhere to be found. Granted, he has far more tools at his disposal than just his weapon, but he's done his best to indicate that he is not here for a fight.
Not that he would blame Pavlova for believing otherwise.
Still, without his helmet, Pavlova will find that Silent Salt is rather expressive. He's never needed to learn to school his expressions when he could simply hide his features overall. And what the boy will find is someone who is... almost fretful. He does his best not to let it show, but worry coats every action that he takes.]
More than the tree.
[He does not attempt to deny it. Not when he's come to do the opposite.]
I have come to inform you that I intend to tell the others. Though I suspect it will dampen what little good will exists between myself and the others, it is only a matter of time until any secrets between one another are used to divide us.
[His gaze has remained on the floor up until this point. Only now does he meet Pavlova's eyes.]
[At that, Silent Salt can only grimace. He'd been trying to downplay it but... Pavlova is right.]
Terribly so.
[Which is what makes Silent Salt's sole request so important. When it comes time to face Shadow Milk's wrath, he intends to be the only one to do so.]
By now, you are well aware of the fact that it was not myself alone that could manage this. Someone needed to manage the spell itself. But Elder Faerie would not have acted in such a degree if not for me.
When I reveal the truth, I will mention only my involvement. I ask that, for Elder Faerie's sake, you do not reveal his role.
[The words that Pavlova speaks are not lost on Silent Salt. Much as he might like to deny the relationship (if only because of the myriad risks that exist when involved with someone like Silent Salt), he knows he cannot. He suspects Pavlova would see right through it in more ways than one.
Still, they threaten to shred at the iron will he has tried to manifest. It cannot be. He has long decided this.]
I will not give him the choice.
[Despite the sorrow that lingers in Silent Salt's gaze, and the haze that undoubtedly clouds his heart, there is resolve in those words.]
Shadow Milk, at least, will learn the truth of my actions far from Elder Faerie Cookie. When his wrath is unleashed, I will be its sole recipient. That shall be my atonement for what was done, both to we Beasts, and the role I thrust upon Elder Faerie Cookie himself.
Dad already hates Elder Faerie Cookie. He was our warden, and the tree was planted in the center of his kingdom. He probably guessed as much a long time ago.
[ It's nothing Silent Salt wants to hear, but... it's not like he's lying.
... but what's the point of arguing- he won't listen. ]
... Whenever you do tell him, just keep in mind dying here comes with a price. Miss Lily wouldn't want either of you losing more to that thing.
He served as your Warden only because I left him no choice.
[He will not accept any other option, any other narrative. Despite Elder Faerie's own claims otherwise, Silent Salt refused to believe he had done anything wrong. Their plan was initially meant to be far more peaceable than this. Only through Silent Salt's urging had things become so grave.]
In any case, I have no intention of lifting my blade against Shadow Milk.
[Because if what he is beginning to suspect is true, it is what he deserved. By Silent Salt's hand, the other four beasts had been punished everyone else for their failings. There had been no one to mete out the same justice to him for his own mistakes. Isolation had come by choice for him, after all.]
[Beneath the force of that question, Silent Salt cannot help but look away. There is no good answer, no matter how he might try to spin it.]
In that moment, I felt nothing short of agony. Those that I believed to be my brethren had willingly turned against me, even after I had mourned their loss. And I believed their people, believed you to have been complicit in their actions.
[Now, he has reason to doubt. Not just the actions of the Beasts, but his own as well. If the Sugar of Happiness had succumbed to despair over her own duty, then he should have known it. He was meant to be solidarity, and the virtues were his first ever allegiance.
But he was not there. And if the others had met the same fate as Eternal Sugar... then he has reason to believe that his understanding of the way things had happened had been fundamentally wrong.
All of this, he does not say. Perhaps Pavlova can feel it in his heart, the way that the chains of malice that had once connected the dormant Salt of Solidarity's heart to the other virtues begin to stir. Something akin to grief, to failure spreads through them. But he will not allow it to sway Pavlova's own judgement of him.]
I wanted them to suffer. [The first words come out as a whisper, but everything that follows gains volume. His voice cracks and wanes, verging on something manic and desperate the longer he goes in. He feels himself in that moment, back in the Faerie Kingdom, stained with dough and jam.]
I wanted everyone to suffer the loss and despair I had. My beloved knights were gone, and those that I had stood for had turned against me. I wanted them to know that grief! And know that I would not stand for them to harm any other!
No. [There is a faint crack within his voice.] It is not so simple as that, though you do have the right angle.
[If it were, he would not be here like this. He could rest in his self-righteous belief that he had done the right thing. But Pavlova had exposed a truth that he suspects is not limited to just Eternal Sugar Cookie.]
I suspect my virtue was the first to fail, long before their people turned their wrath upon me. [His jaw clenches faintly.] They were once my friends. But consumed by what I believed my duty to be, I failed to stand in solidarity with my fellow virtues. I lamented when I realized that their soul jam failed to resonate with my own, but how long had it been since they had felt me.
[A breath leaves him, one that quivers at the edges. It is the most he has allowed himself to feel in ages. Aside from the wrath that White Lily had drawn out from him, the last time he had crumbled in such a way was that fateful date.]
I am not happy. I was not then, after losing my people, not when I used myself as the catalyst for this fate. And I know I shall not be happy now. None of this will ever end in joy.
[ He says such bleak things, but Pavlova can see the hopes for happiness that still remain in his heart, whether he believes them attainable or not.
... he sits on the bed, knees drawn up and wings wrapped around his shoulders. ]
You know, when you arrived, I thought I'd gotten another family member. Mother always spoke so warmly about you- I didn't understand why you hated me so much...
I know now, but I have to wonder... where you want to end up? You say it won't end in joy, but then what do you work for?
[ Does he want to try reconciling with Shadow Milk? Does he want nothing to do with either of them past this? Does he even know? ]
[Looking up, staring at Pavlova as he is, Silent Salt cannot help but think of the young cookie back in the barren. He had been so innocent, had looked up to him even as disaster wrapped itself around their beloved home. He knows that it is, in part, a guise. The boy had existed back in the Salt of Solidarity's time. Yet even still, some of that innocence remains in the words that he speaks.
Guilt weighs heavier and heavier upon his heart.]
Obligation. [The answer comes quickly, though with no true determination. It simply is the truth of the matter.] White Lily Cookie needs me in the fight against the Dark Enchantress. [The Beasts also fell within that category, but he does not add as much. That particular mission was now in question, after all. At least as far as he had initially intended it.]
For now, that means keeping her, and the rest of this place she cares for, safe against the Forest. And when we return to Earthbread, I shall be the hand that carries out her will.
[There is no room for his feelings, his wants, in a statement like this. It also reveals nothing about how how he feels these new revelations will impact things back home. It is difficult to think of the impact that far ahead.]
... You know, I asked miss Lily before if she still planned to seal us if we went home. She said she doesn't know if she can. That she doesn't know what the future holds but she wants to keep us safe.
[ Situations here changed things, after all. Gave a different perspective. Not to mention Elder Faerie couldn't go back. ]
A plan is one thing... what you want to happen is another.
[Should he? Perhaps. Will he? It's hard to say. Duty has what kept him going over the past century. It is hard to deviate from that course, lest he find himself rudderless in the sea of his own haunted mind.
He says nothing to that comment, and instead listens to what Pavlova says of White Lily. He is not at all surprised to know that her path had become unclear. Perhaps the Silent Salt that arrived here would have had much to say about that. More still if it was the cookie he was before she stood against him.
Somehow, a faint smile ghosts across the stony pallor of his face.]
White Lily will forge her own path, and I will gladly follow her.
[It's a relatively neutral answer, as far as they go. After all, he had just promised to be her blade. If she chose to stay her hand, then that would also be a choice. He would carry it out, regardless of his own thoughts.
And those thoughts? They are incredibly complicated.]
In the end, what I want does not matter. Until I have made up for my failures, I do not deserve such things.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Late at night, after the dance
He can only hope that Pavlova is in a good mood after all that he has witnessed. If his boon is knowledge of happiness, then surely this evening was a veritable feast for him. It would bode well for Silent Salt if it were the case — he gets the feeling that he will need Pavlova Cookie to be in a good mood for his plan to work.
It doesn't take terribly long to find the boy, even if it means knocking on his door so late. He'll feel guilty about that later. Maybe.]
... I would like to speak with you. Privately.
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It's enough to make him uncomfortable when he answers the door to find Silent Salt there. He rubs sleepily at his eyes. ]
Un-- mm. Lord Silent Salt Cookie?
[ He... hesitates, but waves him inside. The temporary room is. Cute. Soft pinks and whites and yellows. A writing desk with a very large book on it, plants hanging near the window, pillows piled in the window nook, bookshelves, art supplies. A normal kid's room save for his bow, perched next to the bed to be easily grabbed. ]
What did you need?
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The last thing he wanted was for the boy to act before he was ready.]
I apologize for the late hour. But... there is an urgent matter I must attend to with you.
[He's almost certain that he does not need to clarify what this matter is, either. Regardless, he does not jump right into it. Rather, he finds his way into the room. It is odd to look at, considering. The childlike whimsy seems oddly juxtaposed to the matter at hand.
Nevertheless, he allows himself to settle, leaning against a wall far from the door. If the boy ever felt at risk, he could easily flee.]
Given your latent abilities thanks to your progenitors, I suspect you know what I came here for.
no subject
... This is about what you and Elder Faerie did. The tree.
[ And the implications therein. He's not sure how to process that. ]
What about it?
[ Part of him thinks he's come to finish the job- but he wouldn't do that to White Lily. For better or worse her good grace is probably the only reason Silent Salt's put up with him for this long.
Which means he has a point for being here that doesn't involve making him a jamstain on the carpet. ]
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Not that he would blame Pavlova for believing otherwise.
Still, without his helmet, Pavlova will find that Silent Salt is rather expressive. He's never needed to learn to school his expressions when he could simply hide his features overall. And what the boy will find is someone who is... almost fretful. He does his best not to let it show, but worry coats every action that he takes.]
More than the tree.
[He does not attempt to deny it. Not when he's come to do the opposite.]
I have come to inform you that I intend to tell the others. Though I suspect it will dampen what little good will exists between myself and the others, it is only a matter of time until any secrets between one another are used to divide us.
[His gaze has remained on the floor up until this point. Only now does he meet Pavlova's eyes.]
But I must ask for your silence in one regard.
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[ He doubts Lily or Pure Vanilla will be nearly as affected. He himself seems... numb. Chillingly so.
After all, his mother kept him in a cage, why should he be surprised his uncle thought of him as a monster enough to be caged for eternity? ]
On what?
[ He won't make a promise until he hears what he wants. ]
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Terribly so.
[Which is what makes Silent Salt's sole request so important. When it comes time to face Shadow Milk's wrath, he intends to be the only one to do so.]
By now, you are well aware of the fact that it was not myself alone that could manage this. Someone needed to manage the spell itself. But Elder Faerie would not have acted in such a degree if not for me.
When I reveal the truth, I will mention only my involvement. I ask that, for Elder Faerie's sake, you do not reveal his role.
no subject
[ He tilts his head. He's seen this a million times, it seems like. ]
When I read a heart I read the feelings of the people involved, too. There's no way he'll let you take the fall alone.
[ He won't have to say a thing. They'll tear themselves apart on their own out of love. He wonders if theirs was always meant for tragedy... ]
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Still, they threaten to shred at the iron will he has tried to manifest. It cannot be. He has long decided this.]
I will not give him the choice.
[Despite the sorrow that lingers in Silent Salt's gaze, and the haze that undoubtedly clouds his heart, there is resolve in those words.]
Shadow Milk, at least, will learn the truth of my actions far from Elder Faerie Cookie. When his wrath is unleashed, I will be its sole recipient. That shall be my atonement for what was done, both to we Beasts, and the role I thrust upon Elder Faerie Cookie himself.
no subject
[ It's nothing Silent Salt wants to hear, but... it's not like he's lying.
... but what's the point of arguing- he won't listen. ]
... Whenever you do tell him, just keep in mind dying here comes with a price. Miss Lily wouldn't want either of you losing more to that thing.
no subject
[He will not accept any other option, any other narrative. Despite Elder Faerie's own claims otherwise, Silent Salt refused to believe he had done anything wrong. Their plan was initially meant to be far more peaceable than this. Only through Silent Salt's urging had things become so grave.]
In any case, I have no intention of lifting my blade against Shadow Milk.
[Because if what he is beginning to suspect is true, it is what he deserved. By Silent Salt's hand, the other four beasts had been punished everyone else for their failings. There had been no one to mete out the same justice to him for his own mistakes. Isolation had come by choice for him, after all.]
no subject
... I want... to know why. Why did you trap us all. Was there really no way other than a prison?
[ Did he even try talking to them? He doesn't remember seeing him come around. Sure he was probably busy in the barrens, but...
... well, it doesn't really matter now, but he wants to know. He wants to hear it from him, since he's so keen to take the blame. ]
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In that moment, I felt nothing short of agony. Those that I believed to be my brethren had willingly turned against me, even after I had mourned their loss. And I believed their people, believed you to have been complicit in their actions.
[Now, he has reason to doubt. Not just the actions of the Beasts, but his own as well. If the Sugar of Happiness had succumbed to despair over her own duty, then he should have known it. He was meant to be solidarity, and the virtues were his first ever allegiance.
But he was not there. And if the others had met the same fate as Eternal Sugar... then he has reason to believe that his understanding of the way things had happened had been fundamentally wrong.
All of this, he does not say. Perhaps Pavlova can feel it in his heart, the way that the chains of malice that had once connected the dormant Salt of Solidarity's heart to the other virtues begin to stir. Something akin to grief, to failure spreads through them. But he will not allow it to sway Pavlova's own judgement of him.]
I wanted them to suffer. [The first words come out as a whisper, but everything that follows gains volume. His voice cracks and wanes, verging on something manic and desperate the longer he goes in. He feels himself in that moment, back in the Faerie Kingdom, stained with dough and jam.]
I wanted everyone to suffer the loss and despair I had. My beloved knights were gone, and those that I had stood for had turned against me. I wanted them to know that grief! And know that I would not stand for them to harm any other!
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[ Because of course Solidarity would fall due to something like being spread too thin.
It's not that he doesn't understand, it's just... deeply ironic. Some of them slipping made the others tumble like dominoes. ]
Well, I hope that made you happy, then.
[ He knows it didn't. Short of creating the new virtues, his plan didn't fix the problem. They still got back out, and angrier for the trouble. ]
... As far as my dad goes, I think it affected him the most. He was already lonely.
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[If it were, he would not be here like this. He could rest in his self-righteous belief that he had done the right thing. But Pavlova had exposed a truth that he suspects is not limited to just Eternal Sugar Cookie.]
I suspect my virtue was the first to fail, long before their people turned their wrath upon me. [His jaw clenches faintly.] They were once my friends. But consumed by what I believed my duty to be, I failed to stand in solidarity with my fellow virtues. I lamented when I realized that their soul jam failed to resonate with my own, but how long had it been since they had felt me.
[A breath leaves him, one that quivers at the edges. It is the most he has allowed himself to feel in ages. Aside from the wrath that White Lily had drawn out from him, the last time he had crumbled in such a way was that fateful date.]
I am not happy. I was not then, after losing my people, not when I used myself as the catalyst for this fate. And I know I shall not be happy now. None of this will ever end in joy.
no subject
... he sits on the bed, knees drawn up and wings wrapped around his shoulders. ]
You know, when you arrived, I thought I'd gotten another family member. Mother always spoke so warmly about you- I didn't understand why you hated me so much...
I know now, but I have to wonder... where you want to end up? You say it won't end in joy, but then what do you work for?
[ Does he want to try reconciling with Shadow Milk? Does he want nothing to do with either of them past this? Does he even know? ]
no subject
Guilt weighs heavier and heavier upon his heart.]
Obligation. [The answer comes quickly, though with no true determination. It simply is the truth of the matter.] White Lily Cookie needs me in the fight against the Dark Enchantress. [The Beasts also fell within that category, but he does not add as much. That particular mission was now in question, after all. At least as far as he had initially intended it.]
For now, that means keeping her, and the rest of this place she cares for, safe against the Forest. And when we return to Earthbread, I shall be the hand that carries out her will.
[There is no room for his feelings, his wants, in a statement like this. It also reveals nothing about how how he feels these new revelations will impact things back home. It is difficult to think of the impact that far ahead.]
no subject
[ Obligation is what got you in this mess. ]
... You know, I asked miss Lily before if she still planned to seal us if we went home. She said she doesn't know if she can. That she doesn't know what the future holds but she wants to keep us safe.
[ Situations here changed things, after all. Gave a different perspective. Not to mention Elder Faerie couldn't go back. ]
A plan is one thing... what you want to happen is another.
no subject
He says nothing to that comment, and instead listens to what Pavlova says of White Lily. He is not at all surprised to know that her path had become unclear. Perhaps the Silent Salt that arrived here would have had much to say about that. More still if it was the cookie he was before she stood against him.
Somehow, a faint smile ghosts across the stony pallor of his face.]
White Lily will forge her own path, and I will gladly follow her.
[It's a relatively neutral answer, as far as they go. After all, he had just promised to be her blade. If she chose to stay her hand, then that would also be a choice. He would carry it out, regardless of his own thoughts.
And those thoughts? They are incredibly complicated.]
In the end, what I want does not matter. Until I have made up for my failures, I do not deserve such things.